After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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