ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i think my cat just said my name.
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