you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
