My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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