I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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