at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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