What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
