More tranny stories later!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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