So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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