I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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