Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
