just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
so much tequila, so little girl.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
