420 ftw
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
