They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
