this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
