Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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