i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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