I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
