need another drink. this is the easiest way
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
