Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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