Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
