Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
