y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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