I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
