She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
PANTIES FOUND
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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