Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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