Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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