At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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