I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
