I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
