This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
