If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
