i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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