I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How does one acquire holy water?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
