i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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