brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
