I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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