Quick, to the slutcave!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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