I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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