You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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