The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
