ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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