My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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