i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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