You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
