somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
