just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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