when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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