one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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