Kiss
Puke
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
