1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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