We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
