I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
