I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
