You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like iHOP with fire
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
