Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
