my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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