$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize