i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize