So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
