Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
