i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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