I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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