She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
