She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He has the fingertips of a God
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