ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
