Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
