I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize