Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
